The Siren
 
We met digging in the sand. At first my brother and I kept our distance, wary and territorial, afraid that these other children would invade the hole we had dug, knock down our sandcastle, or worse, build a better one. Then a ball strayed and a cautious exchange took place. The boy became excited; I noticed that he kept slipping into a foreign language.  He told us that when the tide turned the sea would flow on to our end of the beach and he said we could build a dam and dig a swimming pool; he invited us to join in. We looked at our parents expectantly. Was it safe? my mother enquired. Entirely, their father reassured her, only the far side of the channel was dangerous. The boy butted in, he explained that a siren would sound when the tide turned and you must walk back at once or risk being cut off. He said people had drowned attempting to cross the channel. He enacted a dramatic watery death struggling and gurgling, finally falling silent and limp on the sand. He didn’t remain a corpse for long bouncing back up so that names could be exchanged. He must have enjoyed his performance as he re–enacted it year after year for all new holidaymakers.

Their mother, Serefina, was Italian and as she removed her sunglasses I saw that she and her son, Guido, shared the same dark penetrating eyes.  The girl, Evie, took after her English father, James.  To me, Serefina looked like a film star; her swimming costume was stylish, her hair black and she was shapely with olive skin. I compared her to my own mother whose pale thighs were covered in fine blue lines like the tributaries of a complex river system. My mother spent her days teaching unruly inner–city children and her evenings with a pile of books to mark; I thought it unlikely that Mrs Hillier worked. Our names, Mark and Susan, were dull in comparison, and we were always closely supervised by our mother. I could see that my parents were smitten by this glamorous, carefree family transplanted on to our beach.

We set off, our spades dragging in the sand leaving a meandering trail, suddenly Guido handed me his spade and said,
            ‘I forgot to kiss Mother goodbye.’
He ran back across the beach. I watched as his mother, who by now was reclining on a sun lounger, proffered her cheek. Having delivered his kiss Guido sped towards me and seized the spade from my hand.
            ‘Do you always kiss your Mother goodbye?’ I asked.
            ‘Of course. I never know when I might see her again.’ His unflinching gaze met mine.
            ‘I thought this wasn’t dangerous?’
            ‘It isn’t, unless I want it to be,’ he replied.
He struck out across the beach waving his spade and parrying like a musketeer, periodically flicking his head to remove a stray lock of dark hair from his eyes.  He was lithe, agile and long limbed.  I guessed that he was older than me.
Guido marked out the rectangle and instructed us to start digging. Mark and I piled sand in a line. Evie worked at a slower pace and said little. Every so often Guido would shout out orders: higher, pack it tighter, dig deeper. We followed his instructions without question. Other children joined in and Guido divided them into work gangs with specific tasks. It was hard as the deeper sand was wet and heavy. An hour later we had cut a rectangle for the swimming pool with a bank of sand forming a levee around it and a gulley cut to channel the water into it. We stood back and waited.  At first the water was a gentle trickle with a dirty froth on the forward tide, then it gathered speed. I dipped my feet in.
            ‘Wait!’ Guido cried. ‘You must wait until I give the command.’
He stood in the centre of the pool, our imperious master, holding his spade out to repel any overexcited child.  Finally, when the water reached the bottom of his swimming trunks, he shouted:
            ‘Now!’
Whooping laughing children leapt into the shallow pool. Mark went ahead of me. I stepped into the water it was just deep enough to swim; Evie joined me. By now all the children were, splashing or swimming.
            ‘This is a brilliant,’ I said.
            ‘It won’t last,’ Evie responded, ‘it never does.’ Then she swam to the opposite side and rested in the water impassive and watchful.
I swam and then floated; it was lovely, so much better than waiting for my parents to escort me to the sea and keep watch. Suddenly there was a collective groan. I looked round to see that Guido had breached the retaining sandbank; soon we were all left standing on damp sand. All that digging and building, and Guido had broken it.  I looked questioningly at Evie who shrugged her shoulders, climbed out and set off back towards the hut.
            ‘Did you have a lovely time?’ Serefina was wearing a kaftan, a wide–brimmed hat and sipping wine.
            ‘Guido broke the dam again,’ Evie complained. The resigned inevitability in her tone of voice suggested she expected no sanction or criticism of her brother. I began to understand Evie’s brooding, reticent nature.
*         
Summers with the Hilliers continued in much the same vein for the next few years. Our holidays were arranged to coincide. It suited the parents to believe that we children got on, giving them the freedom to sit on the beach sharing wine and enjoying adult conversation without interruption.
 
            Mr Hillier was in the City and only ever came for one week. They had other holidays, their proper holidays as Serefina called them. Coming to the seaside for the Hilliers was for the benefit of their children; fresh air and the advantages of mixing with ordinary, English children. ‘They have to understand that not everyone turns left when they enter an aircraft.’ I didn’t understand the remark until my father explained that for First Class seats one turned to the left.  We always turned right. They went skiing and showed us photographs of Guido and Evie haring skilfully down slopes. One year they asked us to join them, but when my father looked into the cost the plan was dropped.   
      
            Gradually Evie and I became closer and Mark seemed to get along with Guido who remained in charge and displayed the easy arrogance of the privileged — poor Evie was always in his shadow and inconsequential just for being a girl. Only once did I see her lose her temper with her brother, kicking sand at him in tearful anger and storming off. I went after her and complained about boys in general in an attempt to make her feel better.
Then one year they didn’t come and that was the end of our holidays with the Hilliers. My father took the telephone call, Evie had glandular fever and so they’d decided against the English seaside. By now we were teenagers who were beginning to grate on one another and Guido, who was allowed alcohol, proved predictably unpleasant when drunk. One day, on the hut veranda, he made a grab for my breasts and when I pushed him backwards down the steps and onto the sand, his mother just laughed.
            ‘Oh my poor darling — spurned,’ she said, and then turning to me. ‘Well done Susan. This is all good practice for fending off troublesome boys; you will thank us one day.’

            Our parents missed Serefina and James, their absence opened up the yawning conversational gap that middle–aged couples encounter.  Mark and I read our books and tried to play beach cricket with a much reduced team. The year after that we holidayed in Corsica instead, and then I went to university to read English. Our parents continued their coastal holidays, occasionally Mark and I would join them for a few days.
​
            The job prospects for a graduate of English were poor. Study something that leads to a decent job, my father suggested. A member of parliament and his vengeful wife had just been jailed for perjury. I was fascinated by the case, the legal process, and the way the egotistical seed of their downfall sheltered inside both of them. I decided to take a law conversion. There was no funding and the fees were a fortune; it meant living in London too. Studying over two years was my only option and I got a part–time job in the stationary department of a luxury store. It sold outrageously priced diaries and journals, hand–bound in the finest leathers and secured with ornate clasps. The cost of the merchandise was such that there was no question of wasting my paltry wages, even on the smallest journal.
            One day, as I arranged a display, a group of young people were queuing at the till. Glittering young people with tanned skin dressed casually in artful designer clothes, I was used to the type, trust–fund brats, there were several at law school; I went to serve them. There in front of me was Guido, a beautiful cliché, very tall, dark and exceptionally handsome.
            ‘Guido!’
He looked at me, puzzled.
            ‘Susan,’ I reminded him. ‘Summer holidays? All that digging in the sand with my brother Mark.’  Guido looked uncomfortable. Clearly he did not wish to be publicly reminded of holidaying in Norfolk however trendy it had become.
            ‘Uh, Susan…yes,’ he said disdainfully. The friends, two leggy blonds and a hooray–Henry sort of chap that I recognised from a reality television show, listened to our conversation.
            ‘How are your family? Is Evie in London? It would be great to catch up with her,’ I said, while wrapping his purchases.
            ‘My parents are very well, thank you — Evie lives in Rome.’
I dealt with the transaction, handed Guido his packages and said goodbye. He was polite but cool. Returning to the display I watched as the group paused beside the monogrammed stationary.
            ‘Who on earth was that?’ One of the girls asked giggling.
Before Guido could reply the toff goaded him.
            ‘Buckets and spades…doesn’t sound your sort of thing Guido.’
            ‘She’s a nobody,’ Guido said. And then when pushed repeated: ‘Really she’s no one, he stated emphatically, but they pressed him for more information. ‘Mother briefly entertained the absurd idea that we should mix with ordinary children.’
Then they all burst out laughing.
*
At the beach, I was met by the same breath–taking view; the pale sand stretching effortlessly to greet the horizon, the sea having distanced itself from the shore by several miles. The dunes were dotted with marram grass and holidaymakers basking like indolent seals. In the far distance a heat haze lingered. I spent the afternoon lying in the sun revising for the next round of exams. Later, it got chilly and so I packed up and walked along the causeway to the town.
            Sitting down in a café, I ordered hot chocolate. I flicked through a discarded local newspaper filled with wind farm protests and dull civic events. I turned a page and Guido stared out at me. He stood outside a Coroner’s Court next to a middle–aged woman; Mrs Templeton.
            The article went on to explain that Mr Guido Hillier had organised a party for friends, they swam out to a sandbank and later became cut off by the incoming tide. Mr Hillier agreed that they had enjoyed some wine with their picnic, but stated that no one in the party would have been over the drink drive limit. He had taken the precaution of checking the time of the incoming tide, but then left his watch in the car. Realising they were cut off they swam back across the channel. Two of the group had got into difficulties and one, Juliet Templeton, a trainee broker, had drowned. Her body washed up three weeks later further down the coast.
Shocked, I read on.  Mrs Templeton stated that she didn’t want any more young lives blighted by this a tragic accident.  When asked by the Coroner, Dr Gray, whether he had heard the siren, Guido Hillier said he had but explained that he didn’t know what it meant; he was completely unaware of the danger. The Coroner thanked the witnesses for their frank account of the events and made recommendations about improving the warning signs.  He expressed his admiration for the dignified composure of Mrs Templeton and her generosity in encouraging the other young people involved in the tragedy to move forward with their lives.
Once again I peered into Guido’s empty soul and recalled our conversation.
            ‘Do you always kiss your mother goodbye?’
            ‘Of course, I never know when I might see her again.’
            ‘I thought this wasn’t dangerous?’
            ‘It isn’t, unless I want it to be.’
I took out my notebook and wrote down the name of the coroner and sipping the frothy chocolate I began to feel warm again.
 

The Sitting
 
I used to sit by the fire, below the family portrait.  I liked to watch the little strips of fabric as they spun around the orange light bulbs, creating the theatrical, heatless flames. Now, looking up at the painting I see it is as artificial as the fire.  My brother, Stephen, who had been sorting through the books, asked what we should do with the portrait. Burn it, I replied. He made no protest. Then he asked me if I remembered going to the studio. I did.
 

 
            I had picked out a green dress; it had a little fish blowing a bubble on the front.  Mother’s cotton frock was nipped in at the waist with a very wide skirt. It was a picture dress. The blocks of colour contained images of Spanish design; castanets, a flamenco dancer and a Toreador. Julie wore a dirndl skirt with an off the shoulder gypsy-style blouse, a choice that exaggerated every roll of puppy fat and pasty limb. There were six sittings at the artist’s studio; we all went to the first, but after that it was just mummy and me.
At that first sitting the artist, Lucas Mirren, spent a lot of time composing the family group and then taking photographs. I was ticked off for fidgeting by Stephen who caught somewhere between boyhood and manhood, was going through an unpleasant bossy phase. My father, who was used to having his picture taken, seemed to know what to do, how to sit, where to look. My mother spent a long time re-arranging her skirt; finally the artist stepped forward and helped adjust the wayward fabric. His hands were tanned, large and square, with a scattering of freckles, as if he spent a lot of time somewhere sunny. When I looked down at his shoes, they were covered with multi-coloured flecks of paint and his corduroy trousers had smudges of colour on them. I remembered the pungent smells; turpentine and linseed oil.
Subtle adjustments were made to the lighting and pose. Shoulders were gently manipulated, chins were held between his thumb and forefinger and tipped up or down. Lucas Mirren plucked mother’s gloves from her lap and then he made a joke of not knowing where to put them down, everywhere being so dirty covered in paint, canvases or brushes. He made great play of leaving the room with the gloves and then returning in a clownish manner. I remember him as a tall sandy-haired man, craggy, charming and urbane. I remember him as different.
            His studio can’t have been far from our own house, because my mother and I walked if it was fine and only took a bus if it were raining. Although it was far enough for my legs to ache. The banisters were rich mahogany and when we got to the third floor the carpet and brass rods were replaced by thick red linoleum, with tough rubber strips bent over the edge of each step.  Small dabs of paint, like a paper trail, showed the way to the studio door.  I don’t recall being let into the house; no one came to the door or greeted us. Perhaps the front door was left on the latch, or did my mother have a key? Once I heard music floating up from downstairs, it was turned off abruptly when a telephone rang. I slipped out of the studio and lent over the balustrade straining to hear the distant muffled voice, then a door closed. That autumn I started school.
When I saw the finished portrait I was confused and upset.  Where were my little fish and mummy’s pictures on her skirt? I thought it was a dreadful mistake; I thought daddy would be cross. In the finished painting we were all in muted shades, except for our father in his dark suit. At first I thought my parents were too polite to mention the missing textile patterns, they seemed so genuinely delighted with the painting. Years later, when I asked, daddy explained artistic license to me. Artistic license had also shrunk Julie to a slender and attractive form.
 

 
I was visiting Julie in Islington; she had agreed to look after my demanding toddler, Chloe. Julie was childless and a generous aunt. Seldom free to roam, I relished my freedom and spent the day in Covent Garden popping in an out of shops and watching street entertainers. I bought a frivolous skirt that matched my skittish mood. By three o’clock, I was hot and I was tired. I settled at a pavement café for an iced coffee, on the opposite side of the street canvases where being carried into a gallery.  The gallery owner was fussing and waving his arms. A young woman with spiky red hair was pasting the letters that formed the name of the artist on the window. I looked on as the letter L unfurled, then the U. By the time the name Lucas was complete I felt an odd foreboding. She came outside to check the alignment and returned to complete the surname. The next letter was an M.
I watched the pair inside the gallery deliberating over the hanging of the pictures, then went over. The owner glanced at me and flicked his foppish hair back. Immaculately dressed, he rested somewhere between suave and camp.  He glanced over at me expressing mild disinterest, no doubt evaluating the size of my wallet and quickly dismissing me as a potential buyer. I thought I might be asked to leave; the exhibition was clearly not ready, so I asked if Lucas Mirren was still alive and was told he had died a year ago. The gallery owner unwrapped another painting, it was a reclining nude. It was my mother. 
I stepped backwards; my shoulder caught the edge of the door. I took an urgent breath, recovered and continued my walk around the edge of the gallery. From the canvases my mother stared back at me, holding my gaze, blatant and cool, with an undeniable sexual frisson. A fleeting memory followed; the tender removal of her coat, Lucas burying his face in my mother’s silk scarf.  The gallery lights glared white and hot, I became lightheaded and weak. That they were lovers was clear to me. When did that start, before the family portrait or later? Was the portrait just a ruse, a way of spending time together? As I progressed around the gallery so too did the images of my mother. I stared at her aging flesh, the inky rope of her veins, the translucent soft tissue and historical tan marks; a relic of our family holidays in Brittany.
I wondered when she could have posed. I guessed it was during the school day when daddy was abroad.  Her nakedness was unsettling. Our mother was sensuous, elegant and self-contained. Our mother, who made Victoria sponge and fish paste sandwiches and met me from school everyday. Who asked about what I had been doing in Miss Eliot’s class, and when I was old enough and polite enough to enquire about her day, would reply, nothing much, housework…baking. Sometimes she would sing or hum a tune, while I skipped home beside her. I always thought she was happy.
            My scrutiny of the paintings aroused the curiosity of the gallery owner, who asked if I was an admirer of Lucas Mirren? I found myself telling him that Mirren had painted a group portrait of my family, I told him it was mawkish, he flinched at the word. He went on to explain that artists have to eat, he was trying to be charming, but underneath I sensed his contempt. He asked if I knew the model. I lied and said I did not. I knew he had detected this lie. He explained that Mirren had not presented a canvas of Rachel for years, that Mirren devotees wondered what had happened to her. I guessed that such speculation would include her death. But our mother wasn’t dead; she was very much alive, about now she would be asking my father what he wanted for supper. Father had retired, that surely ended her career as model, muse and lover. The owner was talking at me, he mentioned the private view and he dropped the catalogue and an invitation into my bag. I kept looking at his mouth, the rapid movement of his tongue and the saliva connecting in viscous threads; the heat was overpowering…the lights…his words…my mother. I made for the door and fled.   
I missed my stop; the bus had already reached the far end of Essex Road so I struggled past the standing passengers and walked back to Islington Green where I dropped onto a bench.
My parents had a model marriage, or so I believed.  They had their disagreements and irritations, but amongst their peers their relationship was held up as an example. A marriage to aspire too, an aunt stated, as I prepared for my wedding day. My late, failed marriage made me feel that I had let the side down. It was growing dark and the homeless were beginning to select their benches for the night, I gathered up my bags.
Julie had cooked pasta and opened wine; I went to have a shower. When I returned to the living room Chloe had upturned the shopping bags, and found the toy giraffe I had bought for her. The skirt lay in a heap; the catalogue lay next to it. Julie swooped down and plucked it from the floor, she turned the pages. I tried lamely to pacify her. Reasoning with my sister always was impossible.  Julie, drama queen and snitch, who ran to our parents and blurted out everything, from illicit smoking, to dire exam results; I could always rely on Julie to expose my flaws and misdemeanors with relish and at the most inopportune moment. Ours was an uneasy alliance.
Returning from the gallery the following day she said that they were far worse than she could have imagined, sighting the painstaking level of detail. She said that they made Lucien Freud look myopic. I laughed at that, replying that I thought that they were tender and refreshing; celebrating the form of an aging woman. But Julie called it a twilight age; she said the paintings were repugnant and disgusting. Then more thoughtfully she said; daddy’s face still lights up when she enters the room.  For how much longer I wondered.
The Sunday papers carried reviews and a feature article with full colour photographs. Mirren was enjoying a revival.  A week later my father’s car left the road. His injuries were slight, although he was never quite the same after the accident. Mother descended into a small interior space, she no longer sang or baked. Her memory failed her, a stroke heralded the end.
 

 
The air in the house was heavy and stale and all its little faults; broken window catches, dripping taps and leaky guttering, took on a significance previously disguised by activity and harmony. Sadness was present in every lifted corner of wallpaper and each inadequately wiped stain.  Stephen threw the painting onto the pyre and together we watched as the flames lapped the edge of mother’s skirt. The paint seared, peeled and lifted. A palette of vivid sparks flew off into the night sky, as if the Spanish pictures hidden in the under-painting celebrated mother’s vivacity and gave flight to her spirit.    
 
 
 
 
1911 words   

As a writer and an artist I am naturally drawn to working with objects; many of my published stories centre on an object, painting or artist. My MA Writing the Visual was unlike any other creative writing course in the country, directed by the internationally acclaimed poet, George Szirtes, it felt tailor made for me. Set in an art school, my cohort was a fascinating mix of painters, sculptors, photographers who had also developed a passion for writing.
After graduating I was invited to work at Norwich Cathedral and the Sainsbury Centre for the Visual Arts and so my association with iconic buildings, collections and artefacts began. I soon discovered that teaching creative writing with the support of a team of interpreters and guides has a remarkable effect on novice writers. The stumbling block for many writers is the lack of a stock of thought–provoking ideas. Removed from the burden of having to come up with ‘inspiration’ to order, they are enticed into discovering stories through research and contact with objects and the local environment. This is the perfect way to gain confidence, inspiration arrives, anxiety dissolves and enthusiasm takes over.  Research is the writers’ friend; stories are prised from the past or an imagined future, crafted, honed and shaped — this is literary alchemy.
In September I will be embarking on another creative journey with a new group of students at Wells Maltings. Together we will explore the history of the building, the local and coastal environment, if you would like to participate or need further information please use the links below.
For more information www.patriciamullin.com
A ten week course beginning Tuesday 18th Sept 10-12.30am Wells Maltings. Early booking is advised.
For bookings  https://wellsmaltings.savoysystems.co.uk/WellsMaltings.dll/

I will be announcing new courses for 2018 soon. If you require mentoring (perfect for anyone needing help with a novel, short story collection or just wanting some focus on their creative enterprises. ) Please get in touch.

It is lovely to be back at the Sainsbury Centre for the Visual Arts. This is the anniversary year for the Sainsbury Centre, it is 40 years old! And looking just as youthful as the day it was built. It is the most wonderful building with so many fascinating artefacts and an exciting programme of special exhibitions and events. Occasionally I come across people in the county who have never visited, I would urge them to so, we have the most extraordinary collection on our doorstep and the building itself is an icon.

I haven’t made any New Year resolutions, given that statistics show that most people have broken them by mid-January, they serve no real purpose. I do however have a folder entitled 2017 The Plan and soon to be renamed 2018 The Plan. It has a number of categories, ten in all, beginning with the overall plan it features domestic plans (such as the conversion of the studio in 2017) and then a number of work categories. I check it throughout the year and adjust accordingly; it gives me an overall picture to the scope of my yearly ambitions and acts as benchmark.
​
I’m inveterate list maker although these can be a horrible ball and chain as items frequently get dragged from one day’s list to the next with no satisfactory sense of completion. A yearly plan is different, when a project hasn’t got off the ground I can assess the reasons why. Often it is entirely out of my hands, perhaps dependent on the cogs of an organisation to turn; there were three failures to launch in 2017.  Some domestic projects, like six months in design and planning and then a twenty weeks build can set back or derail any number of winning ideas.

Interestingly, as I look down the 2017 categories not one is writing. You may find this extraordinary for someone who is a writer, but this is because the writing gets done whatever. It is my life blood, the written page is one area I have control over, at least in the early stages. So immediately after turning out the detritus thrown haphazardly into my study during the festive period I will, once again be happily settled at my keyboard tapping my way into a creative 2018.

On the theme of writing may I pass on this interesting Ted Talk by Jonny Geller of Curtis Brown Literary Agency ‘How to Write a Best Seller’ -  with thanks to Katherine Gregor for sending me the link.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v+mDuP2BsVy4
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Prose in Progress at Anteros Arts, Norwich on 28th Oct 10-4pm has just 3 places left, please scroll down for booking details.

FRAGMENT - an exhibition by Mandy Rogers, continues at Nunns Yard 23-25 St Augustines St Norwich until Oct 8th.
Below is an image from the exhibition which combines art and text in a fascinating show.

Many of you know that I rarely mention the C word until after bonfire night, but this workshop might be just what you need to survive the festive season. It's run in part by one of my mentees Lyn, and sounds just the thing for those in need of a seasonal survival strategy. 

How to Survive Christmas?
​
A Writing for Wellbeing Workshop
Norwich Wellbeing Centre
 
Saturday 11th November - 10am - 4.30pm - £55
 
This is a one day workshop for those who want to approach and experience the Christmas and New Year holiday season in a more authentic way and free themselves from the expectations, constraints and pressures that may be felt during this time of year.
 
This is a workshop for those who want to benefit from exploring their thoughts and feelings about Christmas and the holiday season using expressive writing.
Facilitators: Jacqui Empson-High and Lyn Hazleton.
Booking and further information from Lyn on 07719 736600 or email lyn.hazleton@btinternet.com

You will have noticed that blogging has been put on the back burner for some time now. Editing my novel, teaching, mentoring and a major building project at Meadow Cottage have been my enjoyable time thieves. I have been working with one of my mentees, Mandy Rogers, whose forthcoming exhibition FRAGMENT opens in October at Nunns Yard, Norwich.(See the flyer for full details.) Working with Mandy has been a fascinating journey, because of our shared passion for writing and our background in art the sessions have been alive with flashes inspiration; acting as a guide to this exhibition has been a privilege. FRAGMENT will be intriguing and beguiling, I urge you to see it.

You can read Mandy's experience of the mentoring process below.

Scroll down to read details of my 'Prose in Progress' workshop Oct 28th Anteros Arts. Norwich. Limited places - book early.

Mentoring and Me by Mandy Rogers
 
Meetings with Patricia have helped me focus, prioritise, time manage and stay on track. The discussions we have had had revolved around preparing for a planned exhibition, in which I had set out to explore a relation between the visual and my recent ventures into writing. Patricia is an ideal person to help with this, as she is an artist and a writer.
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As well as valuing her experienced and more detached eye and great practical help in establishing a framework and timetable for various tasks, my experience of our meetings was one of bouncing ideas around - a kind of collaborative journey, which felt exciting, and creative in itself. Patricia has been an affirming presence. She takes what I am trying to do seriously, does not allow self effacing apologies for the work, and gives clear constructive feed back about ideas and particular details of written work. This has helped me take it seriously, and to commit to the work, even when I am feeling very unsure about it. Patricia is also a mine of information about museums, creative resources and a very skilled writing tutor/facilitator. In short, these mentoring sessions have been immensely helpful.